It was my first week back at work from being on maternity leave for 12 weeks. What a low. I walked around the office like a zombie, forgetting where conference rooms were and what terminology meant. My mind wondered. I watched videos of Gwen. I showed my colleagues videos of Gwen. I scrolled through pictures of Gwen on my phone. I showed my colleagues pictures of Gwen on my phone. So many people said “it’s so good to have you back” my response was always “thank you”. Never did I say “thank you, it’s good to be back”. That would have been a lie. I cried at my desk. I cried in the mothers room while pumping. I cried in my car. My milk supply dropped. Could be because of the stress. Or the change in schedule. Gwen had trouble napping during the day. Gwen didn’t sleep at all one night. I came into work late. I left work early.
On a positive note. I have wonderful family that called and texted their support. I have loving friends who reached out to wish me luck and check in on my status. I have a supportive husband who is by my side every step of the way. Feels my pain and encourages me to be positive. I have colleagues who truly care about me. The few hrs that Gwen and I spent together during the evenings felt extremely precious. We cuddled, played, read books, and learned some baby yoga poses!
I will keep trucking along, breathing, pushing to get through this ugliness of a transition called “returning from maternity leave”, and will be thankful that the weekend is nearly here.